capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
