I wanna bring you to show and tell
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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