i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
