idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
