Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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