But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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