Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
