He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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