Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i think i have two assholes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
