Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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