Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
