Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
