Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
