did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
