no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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