I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
