if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
