9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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