Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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