I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
