I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
