i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
