He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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