I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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