Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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