so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
