Pants 0. Shit 1.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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