So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
