Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
