Having a random hookup so left but love u
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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