I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
