i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
True strength comes from lack of pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
