The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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