do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
