Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
someone owes me an orgasm
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
