Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
