im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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