KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
