Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize