I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
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