I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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