he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize