Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
