I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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