I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
