in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
