his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
