i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
