Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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