So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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