still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize