someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
