She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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