last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
