the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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