evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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