apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My vagina is very pro this idea
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
