im about as happy as oj after his trial
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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