you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
