fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
