Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
