Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize