I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
