I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
