I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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