I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
