and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
