Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
