Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
