I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
ttyl tear gas
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
