I wish I could teleport
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Randomize
