around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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