I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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