my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
MIDGETS
????
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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