First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
