I will die if light touches me.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
