"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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