I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
