We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He better not be in your backpack
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
