??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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