what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
