I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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