I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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