You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize