Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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