Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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