just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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