So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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