NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
