we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize