I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
