I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
