I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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